Re-potting

Tomorrow marks the start of a year-long project; The Gift of a Year: as put forth in the book of the same name by Mira Kirshenbaum.  A year in which I hope to learn (re-learn?) how to care for myself, and in so doing, begin again to care for others.

The title of this post comes from today's reading from Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach. A potted plant needs room to put down roots; it needs nutrients from the soil. When either or both are depleted, the plant needs change in order to continue to grow and thrive.

I realise that I have been pot-bound for more years than I care to think about. Decisions I've made and circumstances I have allowed to develop have contributed to this. But now a conscious effort at re-potting begins. Watering can at the ready, I will turn my face to the sun.

Handle with Care

One of the behaviours with which I struggle is self-kindness.

This shows up under a variety of disguises: difficulty setting boundaries, feeling guilty that I'm never enough, over-responsibility....

I'm a visual learner, so I bought myself this ring, to wear with the intention of reminding me to be kind to myself. 

Being kind doesn't mean indulging; just trying to treat myself with the gentleness I would show to my friends. Example: I developed a splitting headache this afternoon, one of the worst I've had in a long time- stress and tension will do that to a girl. The pain and associated inability to connect two thoughts together meant I wouldn't be able to fulfill a commitment for the evening. I scrambled around trying to find a replacement - unsuccessfully - and feel terribly guilty about canceling. If this had happened to a friend, I would have responded with, "Don't worry, we can make it work. Go home and rest."

Why is it so hard for me to cut myself some slack?